My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
