he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
