id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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