Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
