i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize