remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is classic penis vs brain.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
