Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
