went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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