I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
