your parents love me but you hate me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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