My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
