I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
