i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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