just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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