Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize