You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
