Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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