# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
