good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
