we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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