names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You don't make any sense
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