I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
