After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
