What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
