Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
