i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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