just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
