i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
