the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
