I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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