you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
