I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So squirting runs in the family.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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