Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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