If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
