My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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