Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
