eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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