he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
