when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
