Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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