Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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