please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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