Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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