just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
