some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
