My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
