I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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