Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
