So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
