Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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