He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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