Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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