So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
