i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
