It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
