the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
soo... how was my night?
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