it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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