I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
