giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
