She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
