If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize