Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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